perfect sounds like too much hard work

Scrolling through a stumbled-upon self-help website, my fiancé began to read aloud an article explaining all of the things us humans are doing wrong with our lives.

Specifically, in our individual quests for ultimate happiness.

There were 28 sins listed, ranging from ‘forgetting to live in the moment’, to ‘surrounding yourself with toxic people’. At the mention of item number 12; ‘always trying to be perfect‘, I snuck a glance sideways in time for an accusatory smirk in my direction, before returning to my work – meticulously painting each of my carefully filed fingernails with Essie’s Mint Candy Apple.

What? I can’t help that my DIY manicure game is on fire – I’m not obsessed with getting them perfect; they just end up that way.

Yeah...even I don’t believe me.

I want to be perfect.

Sometimes I really need to be.

But I, like every other person on the planet, can’t do it. Not one of us is capable of achieving ‘perfect’.

So it makes real sense that we spend so much time trying to get there, right? Ha. No.

 

Yeah, it’s all in vain. No matter how nicely I paint my nails, no matter how soft my hair is, or how flat my stomach is – I’m still going to be a jerk when I play board games, I’m still going to be terrified of heights, and I’m still going to be crap at parallel parking.

And yet. At least while I’m busting a gut trying to be perfect, I must be getting closer to a better version of myself – surely.

I’m sitting here in my office. It’s a beautiful evening outside and I should be in the park chilling with the swans or sniffing roses and being zen. But it’s ok, I accept that I am sitting here because I am writing, which brings me great pleasure. I am also jiggling my knee uncontrollably, which is a bad habit. I accept this bad habit, because it’s not as bad as the fact that I am slouching at my desk. I accept that I am slouching, but I should probably sit up straight. And I should really stop the nervous twitch knee jiggle thing. 

BUT I AM ENOUGH. Or something like that.

Hannah Keys